The Blogging of The Christ
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
More!
The Flushing of the Christ - no more outdoor privet for the Son of Man! (aka in Sweden as "the Armitage Shanks salesman walks out of heaven with a satisfied grin.")
The Rushing of the Christ - in-depth analyis into JC's NFL record for the '93-'94 season.
The Pushing of the Christ - around 7 A.D there was some bullying in a playground in Galilee.
The Crashing of the Christ - half-god, half-eighteen-year-old tearaway who shouldn't have stolen Joseph's chariot for prom night. He'll be sorry.
The Cash-In of the Christ - one lucky winner redeems his bearded, crown-of-thorns-wearing token at the heavenly counter in return for a hefty lump sum
The Threshing of the Rice - gotta keep those husks away from the finished product.
The Slashing of the Price - a retail war breaks out between rival religious trinket stalls.
The Flashing of the Slice - a piece of toast is held up for inspection for a very brief moment.
The Stashing of the Christ - war breaks out. an enterprising widow keeps her Saviour safe in a cupboard, for later.
The Lashing of the Christ - 4 hour epic consisting of nothing but spliced-together whipping scenes from the cutting-floor of The Passion of the Christ.
Monday, May 17, 2004
Thursday, April 01, 2004
The Stash of The Christ
Kevin Smith stars, directs, and sells popcorn in this irreverent, self-referential teen slacker comedy parody followup to Dogma. All hell breaks loose (literally) as Jason Mewes discovers that he is the real Messiah whilst on his death bed.
Cameo appearances abound, including several Saints who have not been seen on film for decades.
The Passion of the Mice
Unwary field mouse is accidentally cut in half by a spade. His dying squeaks form the basis for a new mouse-based movement - and even more mouse-based bowel movements.
In the Name of the Father of the Christ
a young, rebellious Jesus (Daniel Day Lewis) watches God (Pete Postlethwaite) sicken and die in a brutal Roman prison.
In the Fashion of the Christ
a three-hour montage of apostles being nailed up like their hero, intercut with footage of the most spectacular chariot race crashes 60 A.D - 70 A.D. (Mild Swearing, Partial Nudity)
The Fission of the Christ
bad science meets bad religion in an explosive, divisive feast of flying atoms.
The Mashing of the Christ
A giant robot stomps out sedition in Judea. Guess who's in its path of destruction?
"A Messy Triumph" - Catholic Herald.
The Cashing of The Christ
A fact based documentary about an over-rated Hollywood hasbeen who makes an unintelligible diatribe based on an obscure legend. Stars Klaus Kinski. Subtitles in Linear B.
The Ration of The Christ
Hilarity ensues in this modern Ealing comedy set on a remote Scottish island in the 1940s, when it's discovered that the local pastor has swapped the entire year's sacramental wafer supply for a slap up fish supper in Edinburgh.
